Women in the Industry

"You'll never get the respect you deserve in this industry, because you are a woman."

Not only am I a woman, but I am also a minority, and disabled.  I hit the trifecta!  Well, sort of.  Nobody can really guess my ethnicity, and my disability is "invisible" - sort of.    

The industry has always been a bit prejudiced against female Chefs.  I didn't start to notice a subtle shift in the treatment of female Chefs until about a decade after Food Network launched, and more women were in the forefront of these cooking shows.  

I've heard it all.  Women are...  

Not strong enough both mentally and physically to handle the grueling trials of kitchen life.  Women are too emotional and would not be good leaders.  A woman is more likely to take extended time off to have a child.  Women are too sensitive and it will make their male coworkers uncomfortable because of the banter that flies in a kitchen can be a bit sexist, racist, and utterly offensive to women.  We are bad at math, we are bad at time management, we are bad at a lot of things that this career expects of us.  We will crumble into emotional mudpuddles at the sight of criticism of our craft.  We are going to be pushovers and ineffective as managers of a kitchen.

It's all bullshit.  I can tell you that I have run out of fingers and toes how many times I've been told that I was passed up for Sous or Executive because of these preconceived notions.  They called me pet names like "Cupcake" or "Salad Bitch".  It got tiresome.  Can't have the position, but you want ME to train your new BFF with no tangible skill or talent to be YOUR Sous Chef?  What about me, man?  (insert crickets here) Really?  Because I am a woman?  Your hesitation just further proves that THAT is the issue here.  Not my skill, not my demeanor, not anything.  You're focusing on my gender.  Consider this my two-weeks notice.  Oh, you're going to fire me instead?  That's fine, I don't need you.  Good luck with your endeavors.  

I named my brain tumor after one of my former Executive Chefs that was essentially a "mean girl" trapped in a man's body.  I was rather grief stricken when my neurosurgeon told me that I could not take my tumor home in a jar.  He seemed utterly mortified when I told him that I wanted to dress the jar up in a little chef outfit and attach googly eyes on it.  I really REALLY wanted Chad on a shelf so I could look at it every single day and laugh, because he was mean.  I didn't even know that I had a brain tumor when he was making fun of my bad short-term memory.  Being a perimenopausal woman at the time, I suspected it was because of menopause looming in the shadows.  The "memory of a goldfish" stuck with me.  When I was diagnosed, it all made sense.  So, it was important for me to have that memory.  

I'm coming up on my 4th Cranioversary, and I still have the memory of a goldfish, at times.  Will it ever get better?  I don't know.  

At age 52, I have a wealth of knowledge.  I am multi-talented.  I downplay it a little bit because it is part of my "magic".  Never give away all your secrets, surprise them with the talent, make it look like you've just performed an ancient incantation and willed it into the universe.  I am an artist, and food is my primary medium.  I made it this far on my own merit.  It was a rough time.  It got easier.  The only thing I can contribute to this career is to be a mentor to young women aspiring to be Chefs.  To help ease them into this career without the hassle and heartbreak that I endured.  

"You are emotional, masculine and aggressive..."

Yes, yes I am...  at least, the masculine and aggressive side.  Not entirely sure where the emotional part comes into play.  Passionate, yes.  Emotional?  Maybe a little.  I am actually a little amused by that statement.  If it weren't for the years of being treated like utter dirt and not taken seriously, watching as men with less talent and proficiency were making more than me, and given special treatment, then I wouldn't be masculine and aggressive.  There's nothing fun about not being "one of the guys".  I am stronger than people give me credit for.  I have skill and talent that is sought out by seasoned restaurateurs.  I am invited to secret supper clubs, to cook in other kitchens as a guest chef, offered jobs because, "I heard about this chowder/carrot cake/salad dressings/your sauces, and I want it all on my menu."  Sorry, my Chowder and Carrot Cake recipes are not for sale.  For the right price, I will come to your kitchen and make those for you, but nobody can be present in the kitchen, and any cameras need to be disabled.  They laugh, and I just glare at them.  Awkward silence.  OH, YOU'RE SERIOUS?!  SIGN ME UP FOR YOUR SERVICE.

I am going to talk about my colleague, Gil, for a moment.  He's one of very few Chefs that's never questioned my ability to throw down, make it pretty and make it look easy...  And make adult men cry.  Recently, I was reintroduced to the current movers and shakers of Seattle.  I was brought on to Gil's crew because of my expertise.  Not only did I end up with a fat envelope at the end of the night, I also ended up with a pocket full of business cards.  Weeks later, we're all still talking about that.  I want to say, he opened my eyes to how jaded I had become with the industry and reminded me that I do have immeasurable talent and strength to come back to my beloved Seattle.  He's followed my career for years, we've had endless discussions for years...

Don't ever let anyone tell you, "a girl can't cook, are you sure you don't want to be a pastry chef?  you can start in pantry or dish, but you can't come onto the hot line, IDGAF what your resume says."  

Don't ever allow a chef to leave you to die on a station and not ever advance you, while advancing male colleagues that have spent less time in the trenches and basically does the bare minimum when they are present.  Speak up and tell the chef that you want to learn, you want to be better, you expect to learn from them (and not just their bad habits), and that you are hungry for the opportunity.  If they give you any guff, defiantly tell them... "I can pee standing up too..."  and let them try to figure that one out on their own.  If they are not receptive to doing what is needed to help you advance your career, it's because they likely are threatened by you, and not worth your time.  It isn't often that their reluctance to advance you is due to you sucking at your job, or else you would have heard all about it.  Those types of chefs are cowboys.  Give your notice and move forward, and be more selective of your future potential employers.