Thanksgiving

Fatt Kidd holding our turkeys ready for smoking.

I had to share Fatt Kidd - he's a pretty awesome Chef and we've been friends and colleagues for years.  Here, he's doing his Martha Stewart pose with our turkeys - picture taken in 2017, weeks after I had brain surgery.

Thanksgiving has always been a big deal at my house.  I have never cooked a mediocre turkey.  I read countless messages on the boards about what to do to make a great turkey.  I can't help but laugh at some of the comments and suggestions.  For a moment, I think to myself, "am I doing it all wrong?  do they know something that I don't?"  Then, I giggle...  "I am a chef, I know what I am doing.  Let's just continue reading on through these comments." [with popcorn in hand...]

In case you don't want to read through all my ramblings, scroll past to the recipes.

All these rituals...  planned down to the millisecond.  Do this every half hour.... do this for 10 minutes....  blah blah blah.  Injecting?  Dry Rubbing?  Spatchcock?  Baste, baste, baste, baste, baste...  Stuff, don't stuff...  This brand... that brand... roasting bag... breast side down... blah blah blah....  most is completely unnecessary

Questions frequently asked:

What brand of turkey do you get?  I heard that for a good turkey, get only [insert brand here].

Let's be realistic.  It's a dead bird that's been plucked and processed.  It doesn't matter if it's Butterball or Perdue, or store brand, it's still a turkey, and it's raw.  The quality of the bird will be entirely up to how you cook it.  There's literally no magical brand that produces the Cadillac of turkeys. IT'S.  A.  DEAD. BIRD.

Everybody says that I should inject my turkey.  Should I?

It's your turkey, if that's your process, go for it.  I personally don't like injecting turkeys, it's just a messy process and I cook professionally and a lot of what I do is prep; it's just one step that I would rather eliminate from my Thanksgiving prep at home.  I don't think it makes the turkey any better or worse.  It's up to you.

Okay, you don't inject your turkey, what do you do then?

I prefer to brine my turkey.  

Spatchcock?  What is it?  How do I do it?  Is there any benefit?

There is a benefit to doing a spatchcock.  It cooks faster.  Especially good if you have very large birds.  It also frees up space in your oven or smoker because it's not as tall.  How you spatchcock it is basically, you remove the backbone.  You'll not want your turkey to cook in it's own juice so you'll want to put a rack underneath it.  You'll also need a very good quality knife and kitchen scissors, and intermediate knife skills.  I strongly suggest watching some YouTube videos.  No, it doesn't make the turkey  juicier.  I purposely didn't share a perfectly good video because they made that claim.  It is you that makes your turkey juicier.  I'll explain, first off...

This video, which I believe is the best video, which also discusses that little pop up thermometer thing, dry rubs, a thermometer (so important!), and etc.  I don't have a turkey to demonstrate right now, so check out this guy's video.  I will say, I don't fuss with mine as much.  I am a load it in the smoker and forget about it for a while.

What do you mean, "set it and forget it for a while?"

I am more than certain that some of my chef colleagues are going to balk at this.  "NO NO NO NO SIV, you gotta open the oven and baste every hour!"  No, you don't.  I've been at this game for a really long time, and I have NEVER had a bad turkey, not even a mediocre turkey.  I stopped roasting mine, but the principle is the same.  I will explain roasting in a little bit.  My culinary career began in a BBQ smokehouse when I was a teenager.  

I always wanted a smoker, but never could afford one.  A few years ago, I was gifted a Masterbuilt MES-30.  I have two Masterbuilts today, but I will not be using my MES-30 because it's having some issues, so I'll be using the Cabela's branded Masterbuilt 20 instead.  These are two totally different animals but also the same, if that makes sense.  The smaller one seems to cook two birds effortlessly - I even noticed that it's more efficient than firing up the bigger one that I had used in the past.  But before I go off on a whole other tangent (stay with the program, Siv!, You can do it!)  I prep my bird as specified below in the recipes.  Stuff it into a preheated smoker and then let it get happy.  When you open and close the door too many times (once every hour is ridiculous), the temperature fluctuates, and this just isn't good for your bird.  You don't have to baste it every freaking hour.  Just... don't... do... it...  I set mine for 250 degrees and periodically check the smoke stack to see if it's producing a quality amount of smoke, infrequently reloading with wood chips that have been soaking.  I leave the bottom rack in the unit and I will put a large pan dead center to collect the juices.  I'll get back to that a little later and will also have a recipe for SMOKED TURKEY GRAVY.  If you never had smoked turkey gravy before... it's liquid gold.  I'll get to that a little later.  

First hour, I'll check the stack.  Reload if necessary.  

Second hour, I'll check the stack.  Reload if necessary.  

Third hour, I'll check the stack.  Reload if necessary, will open the smoker only to check the water pan and the drip pan.  Water pan is to help produce a little steam.  I use apple juice or beer in mine for Turkey.  If the drip pan is getting full, empty it into a heat resistent container; I take one of my large stock pots outside and keep it out there for this purpose.  At that time, I'll put the pan back under the turkeys and then take some of the drippings, and drizzle it over the turkeys.  I'll close it up, load more wood, check the thermometer, and let it do it's thing for another hour.  I'll check the stack, and the temperature, and then reload wood for the last time.  There's a point when meat can no longer take on any more smoke.  

When my turkeys reach 145 degrees, I'll remove one (because my family can never eat a whole bird), and will run it back into the house and pop it into the oven to finish at 275 degrees, and then will blast it to 400 degrees briefly to get that skin really crispy (375 if it's a convection oven).  I'll baste it a few times at that point with some of the drippings.  Smoking creates a rubbery skin, so putting it into the oven will help to render more of that fat and crisp up the skin a little.  This is the only time I will fuss with my turkey is toward the last stage.  Check the thermometer and allow it to come to temp, the thermometer will sound an alarm.  Once the alarm has gone off, I'll run the thermometer (yeah yeah, I know, but what about the second one you mentioned?  That's only for backup) outside and stick it in turkey #2 -- which is solely for leftovers, but I hate having to babysit smokers all day so I cook two.  We love turkey so much because it's a cheap and lean protein source.  So cheap that every time you spend $100-$150 at a grocery store, you get a free turkey, so I purposely break up my shopping trips to those increments so that I can get a bunch of free turkey.  I'll cook two, and usually end up with 1 or 2 more, I keep an eye on Facebook to see if anyone is struggling to put Thanksgiving on their tables and I will often give away the other(s).

Allow the turkey to rest, for 1/2 hour to 1 hour.  Turkey doesn't necessarily need to be served piping hot.  Resting allows the juices to settle back into the meat. So that's it, that's how I make beautiful juicy turkeys that literally have threatened to take my eye out on a few occasions from being shot in the face with juice during carving.  There's no reason to fuss with it more than is necessary.  The more you open the oven, the more inconsistent your heat will be.  The higher the temperature for prolonged periods of time, the drier and tougher your turkey will be.  You don't have to use a roasting bag, or a paper bag, or all that other nonsense.  Keep it simple.  Low, slow, forget it for a while.

Turkey Brine Recipe:

Thoroughly wash and sanitize a bucket or a rubbermaid tote with a lid.

2 gallons of water
2 cups kosher salt
4 cups sugar
3 oranges, sliced
3 lemons, sliced
2 white onions, sliced
40 cloves garlic, whole
2 shot glasses of peppercorns whole
10 bay leaves
1 bottle pinot gris
4 ounces each: basil, thyme, rosemary, sage
24 bags of Russian Caravan tea, or any other Black Tea

Bring ingredients to a boil, stirring occasionally until salt and sugar are dissolved.  Allow to cool to room temperature.

Prepare your THAWED bird, remove giblets and neck, rinse and drain, place into bucket or rubbermaid tote.  Add the brine, top with a gallon of water, and a pitcher of ice.  You want your bird to be completely submerged.  I get a river stone and thoroughly clean the stone, and stuff it inside the cavity of the bird to weight it down in the brine.  Allow to rest overnight, if the temperatures are cold where you live, just let it rest on the porch instead of trying to figure out how the hell you're going to fit a tote or a bucket inside your fridge.  If you live in a rural area where there's lots of wild animals, put it in the trunk of your car.  That is, if you can ensure that the temperature of the brine stays below 42 degrees.  When you get ready to cook your bird, remove from the brine, and pat dry the cavity as well as the skin.  Rub gently, a little bit of olive oil on the skin.  I generally do not use a lot of salt for a dry rub because the brine has a lot of salt already.  Discard brine unless you have another turkey that you want to brine for another day, and thoroughly sanitize the tote and allow to air dry so it's available for next time.

My Dry Rub

Mine is a bit basic, because I want the natural flavor to shine through, and I don't want a lot of radical flavors intermingling with the flavors of the sides that I serve.  This is just my personal preference.  In the video about Spatchcock, rubs are discussed a bit.

Paprika, white pepper, salt, Old Bay, pinch of nutmeg.  

Okay, I'm only here for the freaking Smoked Turkey Gravy, Siv...  ARE WE THERE YET?

Yes, we are there YET.  Sorry for putting you through all this, do not send me the bill for your therapist.  The question now is, gluten free or not? Gluten free people already have their tried and true method of making recipes gluten free, so have at it.  I just do a slurry of cornstarch and some of the cooled pan drippings.  But this is a roux based recipe. 

Not gluten free is my preferred method.  I will create a roux 1:1  ratio of butter to AP flour (for a large batch, 1/2 lb butter to 1/2 lb flour).  Melt your butter saute some shallot, add mushroom if you want, add your flour.  Let your roux cook a bit because nobody likes raw flour.  Hit the roux with a splash of Sherry, because Sherry is everything in my world.  I prefer Lustau East India Solera Sherry.  If you cannot find it, use Cognac.  Slowly whisk in your pan drippings over medium heat, allowing it to get happy and do it's thing, just keep adding drippings.  In case you don't have enough drippings, because that is next to impossible to predict how much you will have, fortify with turkey stock or chicken stock.  To be honest, nobody can tell the difference between turkey and chicken stock in a fortification when, OOPS!  I don't have enough drippings!  Adjust with seasonings by tasting several times during the process.  If it's too salty to begin with, use the stock method, you'll have a slightly more diluted flavor of smoke, but at least you're not overly salty.   

My Thermometer

A quality thermometer is essential.  Actually...  Two quality thermometers are essential.  The reason I say this is because the wires wear out over time.  I learned the hard way when I had a Taylor thermometer die on the day of cooking my bird, that getting a new probe on Thanksgiving is next to impossible, also...  I can't figure this one out, the replacement probe was more expensive than buying a whole new thermometer.  Get yourself two thermometers, and locate your batteries before the big day.  Here is the one that I use and I like it.  I stopped using the Taylor brand ones when the probe debacle occurred. Thermpro also makes ones that are bluetooth capable so you can literally be in your house staying warm and not worry about, "Did my timer go off?"

Oven Roasting instead of Smoker

This is where I got into a huge argument with a former executive chef of mine, and I ultimately won the argument.  When roasting in the oven, I start out with high heat for the first hour, periodically checking to make sure that the skin isn't burning.  Once I get that nice golden color where the fat is rendered nicely, I'll back off the heat to 275 degrees (250 in a convection), and tent it lightly.  Do not fully seal up the pan with foil.  I'll forget about it for several hours.  That thermometer will work in an oven too, by the way, use it.  Use a rack to raise the turkey up from the drippings.  Breast side up, none of this "oh you gotta cook it breast side down so all the juices stay..."  that's bullshit, bullshit, BULLSHIT. By about hour #3 or #4, I'll baste.  

Hope you enjoyed this, and at least laughed a little bit.  Any questions, feel free to comment.